Life is sink or swim

love is blinding. no surviving.

First Tale: do you remember your first love? i was pretty down before i met him. he was everything and in my heart he still is. he helped me so much, no one did so much for me in life. i started to enjoy living. i enjoyed every day with him. such a funny lovable person. sometimes i still miss the random things we did together. he was the first person that loved me for who i am. i thank him for that. but then.. times did change and after nearly 2(!!) years, i broke up. I’m so sorry. I’m still so sorry about that. he was…is an important person to me. but he doesn’t want to see me anymore. if he’s in our house he doesn’t talk to me, he doesn’t look at me.

i’m so sorry. i’m sorry i lost him. mea culpa.

Second Tale: after trying to find myself, after discovering what i held back earlier i met him. he was … nothing i wanted. but still he amazed me. his trust in love was strange for me, but i started to believe in it myself. even if we had a little distance between us i thought he was going to be my husband. when i was younger i always thought of my “dreamboy” exactly looking like him.. so.. i guess it was fate? it was the best time of my life, i am so happy i’ve met him. but then he left me. i don’t exactly know why it was so fast for me, but he did. it broke my heart , i was so down, and i couldn’t understand. i felt like being replace by someone better. (tell ya, we now come closer again (; makes me happy)

i guess we parted because of meh. mea culpa.

Third Tale: I’ve met him soon after my 2nd relationship. i have been left, he has been left. i wanted to help him. i always wanted to make him happy. and for a short time i did, i really did. i don’t think i’ll have a summer like the one last year. i’m thankful he thaught me that i’m ok how i am, that he let me in and showed me a side of himself i didn’t know. oh how it hurts me that i was the one who pushed him away. i’ve hurted him… so much that he can’t forgive me and now… he is gone. i dream so often about our days. i miss him, i miss him so much. but its all my fault, its all my fault. how should i ask him to forgive me? i have no right to do so. so i just want him to become happy.

not like i planed. mea culpa.

Fourth Tale: i can’t say much about this. it was like a dream. being together with somebody you loved so long. marry somebody that knows you better than anyone. and still being left because … well i don’t know the reason. i just know that i don’t trust in love anymore. all my dreams destroyed.

mea maxima culpa.

so i’m not suitable to love? i won’t do this any longer.

Would they still come to visit me if i would be in hospital? Would they be sad if i’d be gone? I don’t know.. i keep asking myself over and over again..

Dear DAISY,

i’ve fallen in love with somebody i shouldn’t love. I guess you know how this feels like. And because i refused to tell somebody else, a real important person to me, there is now a war among us. I can’t stand this silence, i can’t stand it no. I soon will have to face important things for my future and i want that person to be at my side to get through. I do understand why he is agry with me now, but still i don’t want this killing silence to last. I need him. But he refuses to hear that. He keeps telling i should stop saying how important he is. But for me… there is nobody more important i can’t change it ! even if i’d wish too. And the person i’ve fallen in love with? He’s just kind and helpfull… i really am happy to have him but still… he is not.. he never can be the one i seemingly lost. I wish i would forget about everything, i wish I could concentrate on my studying still tears come up from time to time.

I miss him. I want him to stay.

Don’t leave me, DAISY.

Where are you now
Are you lost
Will I find you again
Are you alone ,Are you afraid
Are you searching for me
Why did you go I had to stay
Now I’m reaching for you
Will you wait, will you wait
Will I see you again